Shalom Mum

Seriously….who has pissed Father Time off!?! It feels like the years are flying by, food is tasting better, its obvious I’m  enjoying it way to much and my clothes are getting tighter, all the while 30 is nipping at my heels. Ouch!!!….Nevertheless nipped heels and all I am determined to make this year count! 

 “30s the New 20 I’m so hot still…”

– JayZ

…Yeah probably not. I mean I wouldn’t say it’s completely untrue I am still hot! …but 29 surely does not feel like 19. I’m  10 yrs older, 8yrs into my marriage, one whole husband and two kids later and everything looks and feels different but it’s all good. I brag different!

As I think back on years past, not in regret but rather in awe by way of Grace. I’ve come a long way! Honestly, anything before 20 for me is quite the blur. 21, 22 and 23  were a bit of a whirl wind as those were the early years in my Marriage. Yes. I am that girl I got married young…a little rant for the people with the side eye every time I mention I got married at 20.(i digress). Years 24, 25 and 26 I literally cried my eyes out. Why?  Simply because I felt old. I think it’s safe to say it was a premature mid life crisis or me just being a drama queen but I put my big girl panties on and manned up. Year 27 and 28, no more tears… and 29 I continued in that tradition. As for 3o, well I’ll worry about that when the time comes. (Lol)

Sadly over the past couple years I’ve seen one too many of my 30 and below family, friends and classmates pass away. So for me to see another birthday is a blessing that I will continue to count. More than anything I feel I owe it to myself to step out and do all the things I’ve wanted to do for years but allowed paralyzing fear to stop me. Every time my creative juices would get to flowing and I’d get excited and inspired, just as soon as it felt possible, I’d be met with an overwhelming flood of thoughts of perpetuating doubts and insecurities. Reassuring myself that if nothing else, I’ll bust my butt to be a bomb wife and mother. I was willing to settle, not that being a Stay at home wife and mother is settling in itself because its not… hands down HARDEST job EVER. But to not explore what else I have in me to offer would be doing my family as well as myself a disservice. 

I remember somewhere between years 24 and 25, I had recently given birth to my son and at the time we stayed with my parents for 8 weeks so I’d have help with my son while recovering from toxemia. I was so consumed with anxiety sitting on my parents couch, watching tv and listening to an interview of Joyce Meyers speaking about a book she had titled “Do it afraid”. Unfortunately, to this day I have never got a chance to read the book as I intended to but the title of the book alone has managed to stick with me throughout the years. I am certain it will play a major role as a declaration for me this year. I know through this journey the fear won’t necessarily be nonexistent but my will to continue moving forward will always be present. I’m  getting my Shonda Rhimes on, 29 will be my “Year of Yes”…Another great title of a book I have yet to read, that has spoken to me before even turning a page! (FYI reading still is fundamental) Although it may not seem like it, I love to read and this year I will make more time for reading! Although my NO isn’t always verbal, I have told myself NO for way to long, by way of fear, doubt and procrastination.

My Year of Yes is not about sinking or swimming, losing or winning in the eyes of spectators. It’s a God thing! Following my heart not without reservations but inspite of them. Even now I am saying Yes to me and finally releasing this 6 month old Blog that I’ve been sitting on.. This is the first step into my Year. Happy birthday to me!

“Give yourself permission to be great. There is greatness in you”

💛Shalom